Dear Anne: My wife and I got married four and a half years ago, the second marriage for both of us. I’ve had dogs pretty much my whole life. My wife was aware of this. I brought three dogs into the wedding, and my wife was also well aware of their habits. She loves dogs, but she doesn’t love them like I do because of the hair they shed and the fact that our Boston terrier sometimes urinates in the housemaking it difficult to keep the carpet clean.
Two of our puppies are 10 years old; the other is 11. We will probably lose them all within a few years. My wife proclaimed that when our dogs are all gone, she doesn’t want any more. It’s devastating to me. She agreed with my suggestion of a compromise in which we have two dogs, neither of which would be a breed that sheds a lot.
I don’t know how we get around this blockage, and it’s something that causes me great distress long before we encounter it. Any advice you could offer would be appreciated. – dog lover
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Dear dog lover: When someone says they don’t like dogs what they probably mean is they don’t like the mess they make, the training they have need and the money they cost. You are already halfway there by suggesting a dog breed that does not shed. Next, assure your wife that you will lead the charge of all dog-related tasks, then follow her.
Dear Anne: My 22 year old nephew is an only child who lives with his parents and has never lived alone. He dropped out of college and never held a job for more than two weeks. He has no interest in learning to drive, and his parents drive him to events he wishes to attend. His parents pay for his entertainment and they give him expensive dinners at least once a week. He has no chores or responsibilities and is not expected to pay rent or earn a living in any other way. His parents don’t seem interested in pushing him to grow up, and I worry about his future.
His parents had him later in life, and I worry about what will happen to him when they are gone. He has no skills and is totally unruly. When I told his parents about my concerns, they just ignored it and said they didn’t want to push him to do anything he didn’t want to do. Can I do anything to help this young man? I’m really worried about him.—- Concerned
Dear concerned: Try spending more time with your nephew to get an idea of what career paths might be right for him. Does he have a passion or a certain skill set? Remind her that a job is more than a way to pay bills; it can provide a sense of fulfillment and boost self-esteem.
It’s good that you care about him – it shows you’re a nice person – but remember that you’re not his parent and you can’t stop his parents from supporting him. Somehow he will learn to do it on his own. But he may end up learning the hard way.
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